1
00:00:42,300 --> 00:00:43,360
Beunos tardes!

2
00:00:45,688 --> 00:00:47,103
I said I'd mind baby Geraldine,

3
00:00:47,303 --> 00:00:50,218
as Alice was emotionally drained
by Changing Rooms.

4
00:00:51,832 --> 00:00:53,561
One couple didn't
like their new kitchen.

5
00:00:53,963 --> 00:00:56,719
I hate it when that happens.
i't brakes my heart.

6
00:00:57,519 --> 00:01:00,000
Right. Let's not get distracted.

7
00:01:00,675 --> 00:01:05,169
Item one. This being millennium
year, we need to commemorate it...

8
00:01:05,369 --> 00:01:08,966
She's dropped her toy, Hugo. Ahh!

9
00:01:10,513 --> 00:01:15,612
No, no, no,no, She is a pretty baby,
isn't she? Boo-boo!

10
00:01:17,008 --> 00:01:20,878
She's prettier than her father.
You're an ugly bastard, Hugo.

11
00:01:22,174 --> 00:01:25,852
You look like Mother Teresa,
only even uglier..

12
00:01:26,649 --> 00:01:31,946
Can we get back to the agenda?
Absolutely. We'll take a vote on that.

13
00:01:32,146 --> 00:01:33,000
On what?

14
00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:36,520
Jim's proposal that baby
Geraldine is a pretty baby.

15
00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:41,705
Don't be ridiculous.
All those in favour? Passed.

16
00:01:41,905 --> 00:01:47,379
Except for Councillor Horton,
her grandfather.

17
00:01:49,136 --> 00:01:52,390
You don't think she's pretty?
Of course I think she's pretty.

18
00:01:52,590 --> 00:01:56,730
We'll have to vote again!
Concentrate, chairman!

19
00:01:56,930 --> 00:01:58,853
Oh, Shut up,
you arch idiot!

20
00:01:59,053 --> 00:02:01,623
-Language, David.
There's a baby present.

21
00:02:01,823 --> 00:02:04,124
I KNOW there a baby present!

22
00:02:08,157 --> 00:02:10,918
Moving on. We're now
in the millennium year

23
00:02:11,118 --> 00:02:14,448
and we need to commemorate
the event with something lasting.

24
00:02:14,648 --> 00:02:16,258
Any ideas?

25
00:02:16,458 --> 00:02:19,701
 You're climbing up the step-step

26
00:02:20,115 --> 00:02:23,613
 Where the breezes blow
Hoo-hoo... 

27
00:02:24,439 --> 00:02:27,151
Any ideas?

28
00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:30,612
Yes, I think we should build
something for the youth of the village.

29
00:02:30,847 --> 00:02:32,961
Ah, that is more like it.
What did you have in mind?

30
00:02:33,161 --> 00:02:36,430
A ten-screen multiplex cinema
with a bowling alley and Burger King.

31
00:02:37,828 --> 00:02:42,272
Our budget is �2,000, Hugo...
Either that or a statue for the green...

32
00:02:42,472 --> 00:02:46,519
Oh, Good thinking! ..Of someone
who means a lot to the village.

33
00:02:46,719 --> 00:02:47,710
Carol Vorderman!

34
00:02:49,581 --> 00:02:53,398
On what grounds? Well, I live in the
village and she means a lot to me.

35
00:02:54,265 --> 00:02:57,906
Me too. I'd multiply with her
any old time!

36
00:02:58,106 --> 00:03:00,519
I'd subtract her underpants
any time.

37
00:03:00,719 --> 00:03:07,099
I would divide her... Boys! Boys!
Boys.., Please. Get a grip.

38
00:03:07,299 --> 00:03:08,378
I'd love to.

39
00:03:09,137 --> 00:03:12,973
As much as I would love to build
a statue of the entire cast of Countdown,

40
00:03:13,173 --> 00:03:17,293
I think someone from Dibley's past
who is famous, may be better.

41
00:03:17,493 --> 00:03:20,524
Good idea, Prime Minister.
Calling all brain cells.

42
00:03:20,724 --> 00:03:23,825
Suggestions at the next
meeting, please. -Very good.

43
00:03:24,025 --> 00:03:28,309
Meanwhile, as we all know,
we've been experiencing hot weather.

44
00:03:28,509 --> 00:03:31,015
I have taken to sleeping
in the nude.

45
00:03:32,605 --> 00:03:34,568
On the village green.

46
00:03:34,768 --> 00:03:37,097
We know, Jim.
As do the police.

47
00:03:37,297 --> 00:03:39,857
Let me remind you once more

48
00:03:40,157 --> 00:03:44,837
that there is a hosepipe ban
currently in operation.

49
00:03:46,137 --> 00:03:47,219
Vicar.

50
00:03:47,419 --> 00:03:51,371
What? What?
My car.., was dirty.

51
00:03:51,571 --> 00:03:54,972
Let me remind you of Luke VII,
Verse 11.

52
00:03:55,172 --> 00:03:58,888
"Jesus did say
unto his disciples, verily,

53
00:03:59,245 --> 00:04:03,464
an unclean Mini Metro is an
abomination before the Lord!"

54
00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:06,281
Disgraceful behaviour.

55
00:04:06,881 --> 00:04:09,354
So, Why were you hosing
your car yesterday father?

56
00:04:09,554 --> 00:04:11,449
-Moving on.
At 2 O'clock in the morning?

57
00:04:11,649 --> 00:04:15,573
Oh, yes? After filling the pool
and sprinkling the crochet lawn.

58
00:04:18,189 --> 00:04:22,257
Actually, she really is
a pretty baby, isn't she?

59
00:04:24,013 --> 00:04:26,488
Boo!
Boo-boo!

60
00:04:27,095 --> 00:04:30,022
Villagers are now facing their
third day without water.

61
00:04:30,222 --> 00:04:33,321
A company spokesman said
drinking water would be bused in.

62
00:04:41,207 --> 00:04:44,823
Here you go, you thirsty thing.
Get a splash of that..

63
00:04:45,123 --> 00:04:48,078
Alice, what are you doing? I only
get 2 pints of water a day!

64
00:04:48,278 --> 00:04:50,157
I know, I know! That's why
I'm giving them this..

65
00:04:51,128 --> 00:04:53,883
Mum say's it's better than water,
she's swears by it,

66
00:04:54,083 --> 00:04:56,737
In fact, after a few glasses
she can't stop swearing..

67
00:04:57,920 --> 00:04:59,590
Actually I'm parched,
give us a zip.

68
00:04:59,890 --> 00:05:05,420
Argh...arr, arr, ah... You've makes
babyby over there, haven't you?

69
00:05:09,348 --> 00:05:13,435
As you know, it's not bad,
sort of Vimto ambiance about it.

70
00:05:16,349 --> 00:05:19,001
This water shortage...
Mm...

71
00:05:19,201 --> 00:05:22,880
Makes you realise how
fragile life is, doesn't it?

72
00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:25,652
I mean you allways assume
life will go on as it has,

73
00:05:25,852 --> 00:05:27,602
then suddenly
there's no water.

74
00:05:27,802 --> 00:05:32,687
It's like waking up one morning
and finding there's no air. Well...

75
00:05:32,887 --> 00:05:36,376
Not really Alice. If there was no air
you wouldn't wake up, would you?

76
00:05:37,576 --> 00:05:39,935
Well, Right..
You'd sleep right through...

77
00:05:42,266 --> 00:05:44,270
you know, .....until
they put it back on again.

78
00:05:45,613 --> 00:05:49,762
I know what you mean about water.
We take these things for granted.

79
00:05:49,962 --> 00:05:52,945
Then suddenly, one day,
they're just not there, like...

80
00:05:54,202 --> 00:05:56,972
O'dear.., like,
Des Lynam leaving the BBC!

81
00:05:58,300 --> 00:06:01,179
You're still upset about that.
Come here, come on.

82
00:06:01,379 --> 00:06:05,221
That's it. Well, you know,..
I'm over the initial shock.

83
00:06:05,421 --> 00:06:09,437
I accept he'll never present Match
Of The Day again, but come on!

84
00:06:09,637 --> 00:06:13,856
No Des at Wimbledon, making jokes
about Sue Barker's weird haircut?

85
00:06:14,556 --> 00:06:17,484
She's gonna get away with that
for year after year.

86
00:06:17,684 --> 00:06:20,318
Year after year
the Wimbledon final

87
00:06:20,518 --> 00:06:22,665
will be presented
by the bride of Chuckie!

88
00:06:24,890 --> 00:06:29,610
There will be water again Alice,
but as for Des - he's gone for ever.

89
00:06:30,210 --> 00:06:32,912
Noel Edmonds has gone too.

90
00:06:33,312 --> 00:06:37,720
Ah.., No more Mr Blobby!
...No more gunk!

91
00:06:38,006 --> 00:06:40,220
Oh, Thanks for that.
You've really cheered me up now.

92
00:06:40,672 --> 00:06:42,861
Do you want a swig?
No I dont drink alcohol.

93
00:06:43,061 --> 00:06:46,623
We'll this is Vodka. Oh..!
Here we go..

94
00:06:52,105 --> 00:06:56,055
We'll try to keep this meeting short
as the smell really is intolerable.

95
00:06:56,255 --> 00:06:59,376
Has one of us actually died
and not realised?

96
00:07:00,099 --> 00:07:03,527
I like that about a beard -
you find bits of dinner in it!

97
00:07:03,727 --> 00:07:07,056
I can make a meal
last an entire evening.

98
00:07:07,256 --> 00:07:10,566
Delicious...and
interesting combinations.

99
00:07:11,327 --> 00:07:14,454
Rhubarb and grilled fish!

100
00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:19,835
Sorry I'm late. I made the mistake
of going in my toilet this morning.

101
00:07:20,035 --> 00:07:25,542
It hasn't been flushed for ten days.
I've only just regained consciousness!

102
00:07:28,844 --> 00:07:30,442
you'll all be pleased to know
that I've have written a

103
00:07:30,642 --> 00:07:33,750
very strongly worded letter
to the chairman of the water company.

104
00:07:33,950 --> 00:07:39,187
Oh, bravo, mein Fuhrer. What does
it say? Well, hold on to your hat.

105
00:07:39,387 --> 00:07:43,600
"Dear Sir Michael, Dibley has
been without water for a fortnight,

106
00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:48,165
"which is clearly, well,
less than satisfactory."

107
00:07:48,365 --> 00:07:52,644
Is that it? That's strong stuff
to a Knight of the Realm.

108
00:07:53,783 --> 00:07:57,681
Luckily, I've written a strongly
worded letter to the chairman.

109
00:07:57,881 --> 00:08:00,070
How strongly worded?
Well, You'll see.

110
00:08:00,270 --> 00:08:03,770
"Dear Sir Useless-baboon's-bottom,

111
00:08:03,970 --> 00:08:06,429
"I think you should know that
down our way,

112
00:08:06,629 --> 00:08:12,065
"you're about as popular as Judas
Iscariot at a disciple reunion."

113
00:08:12,265 --> 00:08:14,410
And you think we
should send that instead?

114
00:08:14,612 --> 00:08:17,804
Mm., just as soon I checked
if he's a dickhead, Yeah.

115
00:08:19,473 --> 00:08:21,608
Well, I'm afraid
you'll be out-voted.

116
00:08:22,715 --> 00:08:25,185
Who thinks that we should resort
to, counterproductive,

117
00:08:25,385 --> 00:08:27,446
pointless, personal abuse?

118
00:08:28,256 --> 00:08:29,607
Absolutely.

119
00:08:29,807 --> 00:08:32,627
Oh., Very well.
Be it on your own head.

120
00:08:32,827 --> 00:08:36,238
Moving on. Any ideas
for the millennium statue?

121
00:08:36,438 --> 00:08:38,075
Oh, Goody,
I've been looking foward to this.

122
00:08:38,275 --> 00:08:42,773
Glorious Dibley in her
glorious glory. Who'll go first?

123
00:08:42,973 --> 00:08:46,429
Me. When you said famous
people from Dibley's past,

124
00:08:46,629 --> 00:08:48,737
does that include
murderers?

125
00:08:48,937 --> 00:08:52,519
I'd rather it WASN'T a murderer,
if that's all right with you Owen?

126
00:08:52,886 --> 00:08:55,560
Right...
That's my family out then.

127
00:08:56,434 --> 00:09:00,887
My great-great-great-great-great-
grandfather was a famous man.

128
00:09:01,087 --> 00:09:06,641
Really, Jim? Oh Yes. He sailed the
seven seas in search of treasure.

129
00:09:06,841 --> 00:09:10,396
Wow! What did he bring back?
Typhus!

130
00:09:10,796 --> 00:09:14,096
Then there is Elizabeth I,
she stayed in an inn,

131
00:09:14,296 --> 00:09:17,064
20 yards and seven inches
from where we're sitting right now.

132
00:09:17,264 --> 00:09:20,438
That's Fantastic Frank!
You're telling me that the

133
00:09:20,638 --> 00:09:26,012
Virgin "I don't think so" Queen
here self, actually slept in Dibley?

134
00:09:26,212 --> 00:09:30,325
Not exactly. She got food poisoning
and spent the night vomiting.

135
00:09:31,254 --> 00:09:33,186
Oh, That's a lovely theme
for a statue, isn't it -

136
00:09:33,386 --> 00:09:36,579
- "Queen Elizabeth,
the Tudor Chunderer!"

137
00:09:36,779 --> 00:09:39,863
So, Carol Vorderman it is then.

138
00:09:40,063 --> 00:09:42,405
Yes either that or we dump
the statue entirely

139
00:09:42,605 --> 00:09:46,459
and buy 200 bottles of mineral
water so we can have a bath.

140
00:09:46,659 --> 00:09:50,302
All in favour?
Oh, God, armpits!

141
00:09:50,702 --> 00:09:53,574
Down boys. Mercy me.
Motion carried.

142
00:09:53,774 --> 00:09:56,988
Try not to use the word "motion"
or I'll faint again.

143
00:09:58,078 --> 00:09:59,664
Moving on...

144
00:10:02,412 --> 00:10:04,714
Thank goodness for the
Halloween party last year.

145
00:10:04,914 --> 00:10:06,723
I'm down to my
last clean outfit.

146
00:10:11,934 --> 00:10:16,261
Yeah. Me, too.
I'm through my entire wardrobe.

147
00:10:28,516 --> 00:10:31,828
Hugo says you've all decided
not to have a statue?

148
00:10:32,028 --> 00:10:33,742
Yep. 'Fraid so, Alice.

149
00:10:36,286 --> 00:10:38,864
It doesen't seem to bee anyone
in Dibley worth remembering.

150
00:10:39,164 --> 00:10:42,365
Oh.. Not even the man who
discovered Bali? He lived here.

151
00:10:42,565 --> 00:10:45,851
No. He discovered Bali
last year on holiday, didn't he?

152
00:10:46,051 --> 00:10:47,779
Yeah.
That's not quite so interesting.

153
00:10:49,009 --> 00:10:52,079
What about my uncle Trevor,
he founded the Sunday Times.

154
00:10:53,354 --> 00:10:55,232
Is that true?
Yeah. I think so.

155
00:10:55,432 --> 00:11:00,000
Great. No. Wait a second. No.
He FOUND the Sunday Times.

156
00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:05,004
That's it! Aunty Perky had lost it
and he found it in a guest room.

157
00:11:05,404 --> 00:11:08,300
It's not quite so good, is it?
N....no.

158
00:11:09,056 --> 00:11:11,866
Oh, I can't...
-I'll get it.

159
00:11:14,909 --> 00:11:18,723
Hi. Vicarage. Home to Geri Granger,
God's most bodacious babe!

160
00:11:20,769 --> 00:11:23,405
Oh, It's the water company.
They got your letter.

161
00:11:23,643 --> 00:11:27,371
Oh.. I hope it wasn't too rude..
They say you might be interested to

162
00:11:27,571 --> 00:11:31,027
know there's anyone ?de-empedorast?

163
00:11:31,227 --> 00:11:34,790
Yeah, and they not shure
"nobgossler" is a real word.

164
00:11:36,090 --> 00:11:38,820
A man's coming to talk to us
tomorrow evening. Yeah..?

165
00:11:39,020 --> 00:11:41,594
About the long-term
solution to our problem.

166
00:11:41,794 --> 00:11:44,866
Ahh! Power to the people!

167
00:11:48,197 --> 00:11:50,007
Yeah, The vicar's delighted.

168
00:11:50,407 --> 00:11:53,242
She's dancing around.
You shoul see her..

169
00:11:53,442 --> 00:11:56,740
It's lovely to see
a pumpkin so happy.

170
00:11:59,157 --> 00:12:02,443
First I'm shure we all like to
thank Mr Babcock for coming.

171
00:12:02,643 --> 00:12:06,416
And I'm sure Mr Newitt
didn't mean to spit at you.

172
00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:09,769
Also, I hope you didn't find
the burning effigy

173
00:12:09,969 --> 00:12:12,364
of your boss
too disconcerting.

174
00:12:12,664 --> 00:12:15,939
Thank you. We apologise
for the water shortage.

175
00:12:17,007 --> 00:12:18,931
As you can see from this model,

176
00:12:19,131 --> 00:12:23,737
you live in an area
of high population growth.

177
00:12:23,937 --> 00:12:27,478
So traditional water supplies
is fast becoming inadequate.

178
00:12:27,678 --> 00:12:32,196
No, no, no, no,
I recognise that little house!

179
00:12:33,399 --> 00:12:35,342
That's where I had it off
this morning!

180
00:12:36,131 --> 00:12:40,698
And that's where my gran was murdered.
We hid her body under the floorboards.

181
00:12:40,898 --> 00:12:41,898
If we could just...

182
00:12:42,098 --> 00:12:44,504
You can still smell her
if the wind's in the right direction.

183
00:12:44,769 --> 00:12:48,299
I'm pleased to say
that we've found a solution,

184
00:12:48,499 --> 00:12:51,023
which shoud insure plentiful water
for the next century,

185
00:12:51,223 --> 00:12:53,557
in the form of
a new reservoir.

186
00:12:53,757 --> 00:12:55,673
Ooooh!
Terrific!

187
00:12:55,873 --> 00:12:57,746
It's probably easiest to show
you what I'm talking about

188
00:12:57,946 --> 00:12:59,707
in a simple demonstration.

189
00:13:16,135 --> 00:13:18,314
Oh My God!
We're all gonna drown!

190
00:13:18,870 --> 00:13:20,530
I'll be sitting at home,
watching Scooby-Doo

191
00:13:20,730 --> 00:13:24,421
and then suddenly this massive bucket
of water is gonna flood the vilage!

192
00:13:24,621 --> 00:13:25,724
You can't do that.

193
00:13:25,924 --> 00:13:28,644
We have planning permission
and government backing.

194
00:13:28,844 --> 00:13:31,418
The plans have been available
for you to look at for months'.

195
00:13:31,618 --> 00:13:32,620
Where?

196
00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:36,987
In a cupboard, in a basement,
in our Hong Kong office.

197
00:13:37,929 --> 00:13:40,172
Naturally all detailed objections
will be considered,

198
00:13:40,372 --> 00:13:44,718
provided they're registered
by...lunchtime today. -NO!

199
00:13:44,918 --> 00:13:47,368
Just you wait, we'll gonna fight you
all the way on this.

200
00:13:47,568 --> 00:13:49,548
So be it, dear lady.
Work begins in one month.

201
00:13:49,748 --> 00:13:51,572
And I can assure you,
we are very detarmine,

202
00:13:51,872 --> 00:13:54,034
and we'll be ready
for anything you throw at us.

203
00:13:58,056 --> 00:13:59,707
He wasn't ready for that.

204
00:14:03,288 --> 00:14:05,224
So how's the petition going everyone?

205
00:14:05,424 --> 00:14:07,578
We need 10,000 signatures
by next week.

206
00:14:07,778 --> 00:14:12,249
Here's a start. -Right..
"Best wishes, Harold Macmillan."

207
00:14:14,301 --> 00:14:16,969
Not what I had in mind, Hugo.
I've got Benny Hill as well.

208
00:14:17,169 --> 00:14:19,542
No, Hugo.
I need signatures of LIVING people.

209
00:14:19,742 --> 00:14:24,167
No, no, no...
I've got 500 this afternoon.

210
00:14:24,367 --> 00:14:27,639
That's Fantastic Jim!
All opposed to the reservoir?

211
00:14:27,839 --> 00:14:32,017
No. They didn't give a toss
for the reservoir.

212
00:14:32,217 --> 00:14:35,775
I asked them to sign if they
thought Claudia Schiffer

213
00:14:35,975 --> 00:14:37,826
should get her tits out
more often!

214
00:14:41,916 --> 00:14:45,934
Right. I see you've managed
to sign it ten times, Owen.

215
00:14:46,134 --> 00:14:48,776
It's a cause
I feel passionately about.

216
00:14:48,976 --> 00:14:51,612
Vicar, much as I applause
you'r efforts,

217
00:14:51,812 --> 00:14:53,161
I fear we have to accept

218
00:14:53,361 --> 00:14:55,281
the compensation
the water company offered us,

219
00:14:55,481 --> 00:14:57,478
however derisory that it.

220
00:14:57,678 --> 00:14:59,238
Didn't they offer you �4 million?

221
00:14:59,438 --> 00:15:01,246
What?
What?

222
00:15:01,446 --> 00:15:05,460
Yes.., Well... Do you think
I'm happy about that?

223
00:15:05,660 --> 00:15:08,199
You were dancing around the garden...,
..Singing.. -Hugo.

224
00:15:08,399 --> 00:15:12,050
 Money, money, money
Must be funny... 

225
00:15:12,250 --> 00:15:13,571
You treacherous git!

226
00:15:13,771 --> 00:15:17,085
You'd sacrifice this village
for your own personal greed.

227
00:15:17,285 --> 00:15:20,700
Have you no respect for tradition?
-Well said Owen.

228
00:15:20,900 --> 00:15:23,229
For centuries my family
been massacring deer,

229
00:15:23,429 --> 00:15:26,698
staging cockfights and
gassing foxes in this valley.

230
00:15:26,898 --> 00:15:30,650
And we don't intend stopping now.
Less well said, Owen.

231
00:15:31,050 --> 00:15:34,495
Incidentally, this is what
you'd be getting for your farm.

232
00:15:36,911 --> 00:15:40,427
 Who wants to be a millionaire?

233
00:15:40,627 --> 00:15:42,463
 I do. 

234
00:15:42,663 --> 00:15:44,998
You're right Dave.
Dibley's a dump.

235
00:15:45,198 --> 00:15:48,348
For Goodness sake Owen,
there are people here

236
00:15:48,548 --> 00:15:50,033
who don't own
their own properties.

237
00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:52,875
You know they won't get any
compensation at all...

238
00:15:53,075 --> 00:15:54,090
-Sod 'em!

239
00:15:55,753 --> 00:15:59,120
Now will you sleep with me?
I can pay you big time, babe.

240
00:16:00,787 --> 00:16:02,363
I'm not leaving, Vicar.

241
00:16:02,563 --> 00:16:07,317
I've lived in my cottage all my life.
Except for the war, of course...

242
00:16:07,517 --> 00:16:09,614
I know Frank.
You're a hero.

243
00:16:09,814 --> 00:16:13,527
..When I hid in the woods
to avoid the call-up.

244
00:16:15,527 --> 00:16:19,237
Just me and a young farm-hand
called Alistair.

245
00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:22,961
No, no, no, no.
Where would we move to anyway?

246
00:16:23,161 --> 00:16:24,382
Well I'll tell you exactly.

247
00:16:24,582 --> 00:16:26,914
They want to re-house you
20 miles away,

248
00:16:27,114 --> 00:16:29,686
in a new development.
-Twilight Towers-,

249
00:16:29,886 --> 00:16:32,007
"Happy housing
for the nearly dead".

250
00:16:33,428 --> 00:16:36,400
Acre after acre of soulless boxes.

251
00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:41,364
Look! Central heating!
Yeah, and look, an inside toilet!

252
00:16:41,564 --> 00:16:43,454
But surely, lads,
you don't want...

253
00:16:43,654 --> 00:16:48,388
Remember Christmas? I was frozen
to the loo seat for the whole week!

254
00:16:49,827 --> 00:16:51,919
Yes. I remember that.

255
00:16:52,119 --> 00:16:54,140
I had to wee through your legs!

256
00:16:58,213 --> 00:17:01,530
Let's get this right.
After mature consideration,

257
00:17:01,730 --> 00:17:04,429
you're all telling me,
that you actually want to move?

258
00:17:04,629 --> 00:17:07,091
"Soulless box"
..here I come.

259
00:17:08,350 --> 00:17:09,826
I see.

260
00:17:10,261 --> 00:17:13,917
Well, I'm sorry.
This is a sad, sad moment.

261
00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:17,482
 Oh, happy day

262
00:17:17,682 --> 00:17:19,474
 Oh, happy day

263
00:17:19,674 --> 00:17:21,734
 Oh, happy day

264
00:17:21,934 --> 00:17:24,146
 Oh, happy day

265
00:17:24,346 --> 00:17:26,358
 When Jesus washed

266
00:17:26,558 --> 00:17:28,484
 When Jesus washed

267
00:17:28,684 --> 00:17:31,677
He washed my sins away

268
00:17:31,877 --> 00:17:33,632
 Oh, happy day

269
00:17:33,832 --> 00:17:35,943
 He taught me how

270
00:17:37,750 --> 00:17:40,221
 To wash and pray. 

271
00:17:41,673 --> 00:17:43,624
Champagne, Jim?

272
00:17:43,824 --> 00:17:47,651
No, no, no, no, no.
Yes, please.

273
00:17:48,382 --> 00:17:52,754
I never say, "No, no, no, no"
to a glass of bubbly.

274
00:17:54,392 --> 00:17:58,896
Now-now, Ms Grumpy-cassocks, it's
not the end of the world, you know.

275
00:17:59,496 --> 00:18:01,427
Frank says you've
got some exciting news.

276
00:18:02,488 --> 00:18:06,461
My guess is Anthea Turner
is coming back to Blue Peter.

277
00:18:07,570 --> 00:18:10,296
No, Alice.. It's the reservoir
it still happening.

278
00:18:10,496 --> 00:18:12,300
But we're all getting
loads of money to move.

279
00:18:13,449 --> 00:18:16,399
Oh, nice! So where are they
building the new Dibley?

280
00:18:17,032 --> 00:18:19,482
No, no...
There's no new Dibley.

281
00:18:20,897 --> 00:18:23,931
Ooooh.
But we are all moving together?

282
00:18:25,937 --> 00:18:27,036
Vicar?

283
00:18:27,236 --> 00:18:29,458
I'm afraid not, Alice.
No.

284
00:18:29,658 --> 00:18:34,826
I'll have to go where I'm sent.
It could be the Congo or Staines.

285
00:18:35,026 --> 00:18:36,963
Fingers crossed for the Congo.

286
00:18:39,055 --> 00:18:41,533
But that doesn't sound very nice
at all.

287
00:18:43,186 --> 00:18:48,721
Mr Horton, I'll hardly ever see
you again. What's nice about that?

288
00:18:48,921 --> 00:18:51,876
Well, from my point of view...

289
00:18:52,076 --> 00:18:55,142
We won't be able to discuss
world affairs each morning.

290
00:18:55,342 --> 00:18:57,281
No. I'll miss that.

291
00:18:57,881 --> 00:19:01,132
And analyse the stick market.
Stock market.

292
00:19:02,832 --> 00:19:05,540
While you bounce baby Geraldine
on your knee.

293
00:19:07,940 --> 00:19:09,137
No.

294
00:19:09,337 --> 00:19:13,299
Still people have always left Dibley,
it doesn't mean they lose touch.

295
00:19:13,699 --> 00:19:16,367
My brother said that
if they didn't leave Dibley,

296
00:19:16,567 --> 00:19:18,448
I'd bore them to death.

297
00:19:18,948 --> 00:19:22,908
You can't bore a person to death Frank.
Patrick Moore tries, but...

298
00:19:23,108 --> 00:19:25,624
Frank bored his parents to death.

299
00:19:25,824 --> 00:19:27,054
That was never proved.

300
00:19:29,894 --> 00:19:34,851
I just happened to be outlining
parish council procedure when,

301
00:19:35,051 --> 00:19:39,290
hand-in-hand,
they leapt out of the open window.

302
00:19:41,547 --> 00:19:45,134
You know.. You're the only people
in whole the world

303
00:19:46,004 --> 00:19:48,957
that don't find me
unutterably boring.

304
00:19:51,605 --> 00:19:53,524
You stuck with me
through thick and thin.

305
00:19:54,224 --> 00:19:58,547
Good times and bad times.
Come rainy rain...

306
00:20:01,852 --> 00:20:04,007
Quit while you're alive, Frank.

307
00:20:04,607 --> 00:20:08,777
To tell the truth,
I don't really want to go.

308
00:20:09,613 --> 00:20:11,977
I see...
What about you, Owen?

309
00:20:12,177 --> 00:20:13,344
As far as I can see,

310
00:20:13,544 --> 00:20:15,579
the only people who
don't want to leave Dibley

311
00:20:15,779 --> 00:20:17,828
are sad,
lonely losers.

312
00:20:18,672 --> 00:20:20,429
Like you.

313
00:20:21,098 --> 00:20:24,754
That's right. No, so...

314
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,350
I'd rather stay.

315
00:20:27,550 --> 00:20:31,042
Oh.. Nonsense! I for one
certainly won't miss Dibley.

316
00:20:31,242 --> 00:20:34,139
Some people think
hell is listening to Celine Dion.

317
00:20:34,339 --> 00:20:37,470
For me, it's having to attend all those
ghastly parish council meetings.

318
00:20:37,970 --> 00:20:40,677
Which you've never missed.

319
00:20:40,877 --> 00:20:45,965
Rubbish! 36 years ago, when
my wife was in labour with Hugo,

320
00:20:46,165 --> 00:20:50,140
did I go to the village hall
for a meeting? I did not.

321
00:20:50,340 --> 00:20:54,286
No, no, no, we had the meeting
in the maternity ward.

322
00:20:54,486 --> 00:20:57,323
Mrs Horton wanted
to name the baby strait away.

323
00:20:57,523 --> 00:21:00,543
But Mr Horton said,
"Wait till Any Other Business."

324
00:21:01,443 --> 00:21:04,925
There was a lot to get through!
A community to run.

325
00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:07,215
A village doesn't just go...

326
00:21:09,356 --> 00:21:10,966
..away, you know.

327
00:21:11,910 --> 00:21:15,402
I was rejected by the first
four parishes I was sent to.

328
00:21:15,902 --> 00:21:17,239
The first one wanted a man.

329
00:21:17,639 --> 00:21:22,037
The second wanted a man with a full
beard and moustache to be sure.

330
00:21:22,237 --> 00:21:25,128
The third insisted on a
full physical examination,

331
00:21:25,328 --> 00:21:28,217
just in case a girl slipped thru
with a false beard and moustache.

332
00:21:28,417 --> 00:21:32,159
The fourth one wanted a rabbi. But
it was a mix-up with the documents.

333
00:21:33,359 --> 00:21:35,958
And the fifth -
a strange little village,

334
00:21:36,158 --> 00:21:38,886
the inbreeding capital of the world,

335
00:21:40,015 --> 00:21:44,284
accepted me with open arms
and became my family.

336
00:21:44,484 --> 00:21:48,164
Aaah...
Where was that then?

337
00:21:51,048 --> 00:21:53,095
Here, Alice, here!

338
00:21:53,295 --> 00:21:55,986
Oh, right.

339
00:21:56,189 --> 00:21:59,699
I love this village!
Don't ask me why.

340
00:22:00,927 --> 00:22:01,982
Why?

341
00:22:02,182 --> 00:22:05,203
Because it's a real country village.

342
00:22:05,403 --> 00:22:09,824
We range from the mildly bizarre
to the dangerously odd, Frank.

343
00:22:10,024 --> 00:22:14,450
And because we live side by side,
year after year.

344
00:22:14,850 --> 00:22:17,206
And we're happy together.

345
00:22:17,406 --> 00:22:20,780
That's right. And that's why
we must fight to save Dibley!

346
00:22:21,764 --> 00:22:24,590
This other Eden... What?
..demi-paradise,

347
00:22:24,790 --> 00:22:27,450
this happy breed of men,
this little world,

348
00:22:27,650 --> 00:22:31,195
this precious stone
set in the silver sea,

349
00:22:31,395 --> 00:22:34,816
this blessed plot,
this earth, this realm,

350
00:22:35,016 --> 00:22:36,920
this Dibley.

351
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:50,199
Did you understand that?

352
00:22:51,199 --> 00:22:52,562
Not a word.

353
00:22:54,013 --> 00:22:55,786
Very moving speech, Father.

354
00:22:56,469 --> 00:23:00,651
Thank you. I thought it was the
right thing to do. I'm proud of you.

355
00:23:01,451 --> 00:23:04,138
In fact...
can I kiss you, Father?

356
00:23:05,631 --> 00:23:07,081
I don't think that's necessary.

357
00:23:08,581 --> 00:23:11,396
Just once.
I won't tell anyone.

358
00:23:12,596 --> 00:23:14,099
OK. - Don't make a habit of it.

359
00:23:19,287 --> 00:23:20,869
Thank you.

360
00:23:23,722 --> 00:23:25,103
So, Let me just
get this straight.

361
00:23:25,344 --> 00:23:29,905
You'll donate every penny from
your new single to our campaign?

362
00:23:30,775 --> 00:23:32,251
That's fantastic!

363
00:23:32,651 --> 00:23:37,109
It'll make a HUGE difference.
Thank you so much. Bye.

364
00:23:37,459 --> 00:23:38,480
Bros.

365
00:23:41,165 --> 00:23:43,559
I've had another superb idea, Vicar.

366
00:23:44,670 --> 00:23:48,051
Dont tell me this one involve
hunting water board officials

367
00:23:48,251 --> 00:23:50,083
with hi velocity rifles
and bloodhounds?

368
00:23:50,283 --> 00:23:54,163
No. This one has an absolute
minimum of sickening violence.

369
00:23:54,363 --> 00:23:56,152
Oh, thank God for that!

370
00:23:56,352 --> 00:24:01,069
We get Dibley classified as a Site
of Natural Environmental Importance.

371
00:24:01,269 --> 00:24:02,875
Allright.. How do we do that?

372
00:24:03,075 --> 00:24:05,063
We find a
species of animal

373
00:24:05,263 --> 00:24:07,570
that isn't found
anywhere else in the world.

374
00:24:07,770 --> 00:24:13,069
I think that's as likely as finding
intellectual life on Ibiza.

375
00:24:13,269 --> 00:24:14,617
 Ooh, ooh, ooh. 

376
00:24:14,817 --> 00:24:16,345
Just where you're wrong, Vicar.

377
00:24:16,545 --> 00:24:18,768
Dibley could be, for instance,

378
00:24:18,968 --> 00:24:23,777
the only place on Earth
with a genuine three-legged cow.

379
00:24:23,977 --> 00:24:27,100
You've managed to bred
a three-legged cow?!

380
00:24:27,300 --> 00:24:28,131
I'm very close.

381
00:24:28,331 --> 00:24:30,895
I've got a four-legged cow
and a sharp axe.

382
00:24:33,776 --> 00:24:37,842
That's where the small amount
of sickening violence comes in. I see.

383
00:24:38,042 --> 00:24:41,367
Or we could discover
a short-nosed badger.

384
00:24:41,567 --> 00:24:44,641
All it would take is a long-nosed
badger and a big pair of secateurs.

385
00:24:45,970 --> 00:24:48,491
Yeah, I think I can recognise
the pattern that's emerging here.

386
00:24:48,691 --> 00:24:53,071
Or we could quickly breed
the world's only genuine sheep dog.

387
00:24:53,271 --> 00:24:57,648
All we need is a sheep, a dog,
a romantic candle-lit dinner,

388
00:24:59,150 --> 00:25:01,157
and an animal condom shortage.

389
00:25:02,210 --> 00:25:04,780
Owen, bye-bye. Off you go.
All right, all right.

390
00:25:04,980 --> 00:25:08,823
Just you wait.
I haven't finished with this one.

391
00:25:09,494 --> 00:25:11,400
-Owen.
-Mr Horton.

392
00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:15,138
Where's he off to?  He's just
trying to mutilate things, as usual.

393
00:25:15,338 --> 00:25:18,375
David, we have got to come
up with the most Fantastic,

394
00:25:18,575 --> 00:25:21,142
original idea to grab
the press's attention.

395
00:25:22,260 --> 00:25:24,379
AAAAAAGH!
Oh!

396
00:25:25,379 --> 00:25:27,343
Hang on...
YES, YES!, YES

397
00:25:27,543 --> 00:25:31,051
I've just thought of the most
fantastic village-saving idea!

398
00:25:31,251 --> 00:25:35,052
Good - as long as it isn't a
embarrassing publicity stunt.

399
00:25:35,536 --> 00:25:37,314
Like chaining yourself
to the church.

400
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:40,227
No.

401
00:25:47,030 --> 00:25:48,771
You look like an extra

402
00:25:48,971 --> 00:25:52,635
in a low-budget remake
of a film by Ken Russell.

403
00:25:52,835 --> 00:25:54,196
Well, what are YOU doing
for the course?

404
00:25:54,396 --> 00:25:56,952
I've written to our MP,
Sir.Patric Pane.

405
00:25:57,152 --> 00:25:59,455
Oh, the famous alcoholic.
-Well...

406
00:25:59,655 --> 00:26:03,120
Let's face it David, the last time
he spoke in the Commons,

407
00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:07,444
all he could muster was,
"Fagh, hagh, fagh, hagh-ah."

408
00:26:08,944 --> 00:26:12,743
We need publicity,
and we need it now. Oh, yes!..

409
00:26:12,943 --> 00:26:17,334
I can see the world's press just
flocking in!.. Afternoon, Vicar.

410
00:26:18,234 --> 00:26:20,744
Oh, just you wait.

411
00:26:20,944 --> 00:26:22,725
Just you wait!

412
00:26:23,325 --> 00:26:26,586
May the blessing
of Our Lord Jesus Christ

413
00:26:26,786 --> 00:26:31,349
be with you now and for ever more.
Amen.

414
00:26:31,549 --> 00:26:35,484
 Amen. 

415
00:26:36,908 --> 00:26:40,989
Thank you, vicar. Most enjoyable.
Welcome, Owen.

416
00:26:41,489 --> 00:26:45,878
Ooh! Could the lady with the big
hat go to the back of the queue?

417
00:26:46,078 --> 00:26:49,103
Thank you.
Oh, Sid, you've put on some weight!

418
00:26:49,303 --> 00:26:51,466
Could the lady with the feather hat
come next.

419
00:26:53,442 --> 00:26:55,389
Is that better?
Yes, very good.

420
00:26:56,874 --> 00:26:58,978
Oh, great!
Right..

421
00:26:59,178 --> 00:27:00,885
Good night then, Vicar.
Thanks, Hugo.

422
00:27:01,085 --> 00:27:06,023
"Ladies and gentlemen, fasten your
seatbelts for..." No, no, no! ..Hugo!

423
00:27:06,223 --> 00:27:10,068
"..Anthea Turner!"
Hugo! Help! ..Oh!

424
00:27:10,268 --> 00:27:14,041
Mercy! No-o-o! No-o-o!

425
00:27:14,494 --> 00:27:16,090
If you'd like me to
take over for a bit,

426
00:27:16,290 --> 00:27:17,905
you only have to
say the word.

427
00:27:18,105 --> 00:27:20,714
Oh, that's very sweet of you Jim,
but, no thank you.

428
00:27:20,914 --> 00:27:24,617
I'm determined to stay till the
press get here, even if it's a week.

429
00:27:24,817 --> 00:27:29,545
You wouldn't like just
to go to the loo? No, thanks.

430
00:27:29,745 --> 00:27:33,711
She's amazing. She must have a
bladder the size of Lake Titicaca.

431
00:27:34,611 --> 00:27:38,665
Not like me. My mum only has to go,
"Tinkle, tinkle,"

432
00:27:38,865 --> 00:27:43,138
or, "Ssssssss," or...

433
00:27:43,358 --> 00:27:45,383
..and I'm absolutely bursting!

434
00:27:46,003 --> 00:27:48,025
Sorry, Jim, do you think
you COULD take over?

435
00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:51,062
You've got a key,
haven't you?

436
00:27:51,988 --> 00:27:54,099
There we are.
Comfy? Not bad.

437
00:27:54,299 --> 00:27:57,945
I normally have the handcuffs
a bit tighter, but this will do.

438
00:28:00,687 --> 00:28:01,990
Sorry, what do you mean,
"normally"?

439
00:28:02,190 --> 00:28:05,407
Well, I have this Chinese girl...
Right, got the picture.

440
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:11,806
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!

441
00:28:18,119 --> 00:28:21,242
And finally, an unusual
demonstration,

442
00:28:21,442 --> 00:28:24,292
in the village of Dibley.
At last!

443
00:28:24,492 --> 00:28:27,038
People chain themselves to
trees and railings.

444
00:28:27,238 --> 00:28:30,338
But what about a church?
-YES...!

445
00:28:30,538 --> 00:28:33,757
I'm here with demonstrator Jim Trott.
NO...!

446
00:28:33,957 --> 00:28:38,848
Mr Trott, can you tell me why you're
chained to the church? No, no...

447
00:28:39,048 --> 00:28:43,254
Yes... Because
the Vicar's gone to the toilet.

448
00:28:43,454 --> 00:28:49,110
I do wish he'd tell..! You should
talk to her - a wonderful woman.

449
00:28:49,710 --> 00:28:53,570
Lovely arse.
...I will kill him!

450
00:28:54,870 --> 00:28:57,636
And Dibley's MP, today spoke out
in the house of Commons.

451
00:28:57,836 --> 00:29:01,960
"Show me the way to go home,"
he said, ...before falling over.

452
00:29:03,005 --> 00:29:05,601
And before we go, we'll look at
tomorrow's front pages.

453
00:29:05,801 --> 00:29:08,445
The Star has,
"Thou shalt not kill my village,"

454
00:29:08,645 --> 00:29:10,953
about the vicar
who's chained herself to her church.

455
00:29:11,153 --> 00:29:12,861
The Independent is
on the same story,

456
00:29:13,061 --> 00:29:16,221
"Vicar has big reservations
over reservoir."

457
00:29:16,421 --> 00:29:18,338
And the Sun has its own angle.

458
00:29:18,593 --> 00:29:21,844
"The Sun asks,
is the Vicar's arse really lovely"

459
00:29:22,044 --> 00:29:24,438
As if we care.
That's all from Newsnight tonight.

460
00:29:24,638 --> 00:29:26,440
We'll be back with more, tomorrow night

461
00:29:44,622 --> 00:29:46,215
As the protesters
enters it's third week

462
00:29:46,415 --> 00:29:48,838
The vicar of Dibley today
received crucial backing,

463
00:29:49,038 --> 00:29:51,062
from the most important figure
in the Church of England -

464
00:29:51,262 --> 00:29:52,264
Sir Cliff Richard.

465
00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:56,564
E oggi il Papa ha
parlato personalmente

466
00:29:56,764 --> 00:30:00,852
e con profonda simpatia
per la gente di Dibley.

467
00:30:07,611 --> 00:30:09,884
The protest here,
in this little village

468
00:30:10,084 --> 00:30:12,792
seems to have struck a chord
across the world.

469
00:30:13,280 --> 00:30:15,499
In times of
increasing urbanisation,

470
00:30:15,699 --> 00:30:18,016
Who will stick up for
the small communities,

471
00:30:18,216 --> 00:30:20,082
where everybody
knows your name?

472
00:30:21,102 --> 00:30:23,087
Meanwhile, the world's press
continues to flock

473
00:30:23,287 --> 00:30:25,529
to this tiny village,
and it's remarkable Vicar.

474
00:30:26,229 --> 00:30:27,819
They been joined
by representatives

475
00:30:28,019 --> 00:30:29,534
from environmental
pressure groups

476
00:30:29,734 --> 00:30:31,190
and assorted others.

477
00:30:37,077 --> 00:30:38,946
Still here, eh?
..Yes!

478
00:30:39,146 --> 00:30:41,540
Still standing firm,
despite what YOU think.

479
00:30:41,740 --> 00:30:45,527
I think, ...in the end,
it's not a bad idea.

480
00:30:48,649 --> 00:30:49,970
Chain me up, Scottie.

481
00:30:53,707 --> 00:30:56,611
 And you'll never

482
00:30:56,811 --> 00:30:59,869
 Walk alone

483
00:31:00,069 --> 00:31:04,017
 You'll never

484
00:31:04,217 --> 00:31:08,334
 Walk alone. 

485
00:31:08,534 --> 00:31:11,230
Right,
your turn next, Frank.

486
00:31:11,430 --> 00:31:14,525
Only six hours to go before dawn,
so make it a good 'un.

487
00:31:14,725 --> 00:31:16,214
I've got just the thing.

488
00:31:17,811 --> 00:31:23,616
 One hundred thousand green bottles
hanging on the wall 

489
00:31:23,816 --> 00:31:29,593
One hundred thousand green bottles
hanging on the wall 

490
00:31:29,793 --> 00:31:34,916
 And if one green bottle
should accidentally fall 

491
00:31:35,116 --> 00:31:37,284
 There'd be
ninety-nine thousand,

492
00:31:37,484 --> 00:31:43,718
nine hundred and ninety-nine green
bottles hanging on the wall. 

493
00:31:43,918 --> 00:31:46,582
Here he comes now!
Excuse me.

494
00:31:49,519 --> 00:31:52,609
After careful consideration
of all the facts,

495
00:31:53,209 --> 00:31:55,241
I am instructed
to inform you,

496
00:31:55,441 --> 00:31:59,625
that the water board has decided
to proceed with Dibley Reservoir.

497
00:31:59,825 --> 00:32:00,939
What?!

498
00:32:01,194 --> 00:32:05,204
Sorry, sorry, sorry...
..Has decided NOT to proceed with...

499
00:32:07,740 --> 00:32:12,663
We wish to point out that
this decision has nothing to do

500
00:32:12,863 --> 00:32:15,305
with the recent protest.
-Sure..!

501
00:32:15,605 --> 00:32:17,145
We have listened very carefully

502
00:32:17,345 --> 00:32:20,542
to the the more detailed
environmental arguments.

503
00:32:20,742 --> 00:32:23,203
And after the discovery in a farm

504
00:32:23,403 --> 00:32:25,938
of a blue-crested,
one-legged chicken,

505
00:32:27,338 --> 00:32:32,172
we believe the area to be
of unique natural importance.

506
00:32:32,372 --> 00:32:35,168
And therefore we'll look
for other solutions

507
00:32:35,368 --> 00:32:37,186
to the water crisis...
Thank you very much.

508
00:32:42,764 --> 00:32:45,178
Have you got the key, Hugs?
Yeah, yeah... -Good...

509
00:32:45,378 --> 00:32:46,641
Where is it then?

510
00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:49,760
I swallowed it...
...for security.

511
00:32:55,296 --> 00:33:00,208
Well, the good news is,
Dibley's saved. ...Yeah!

512
00:33:00,622 --> 00:33:02,106
The bad news is,

513
00:33:02,306 --> 00:33:04,252
that Michael Winner
wants to make a film about it,

514
00:33:05,467 --> 00:33:07,299
with Jim being played
by Charles Bronson.

515
00:33:09,622 --> 00:33:11,417
We did have SOME bad times,

516
00:33:11,617 --> 00:33:13,621
like when Ant and Dec
came to cheer us up,

517
00:33:13,821 --> 00:33:15,506
that was pretty rough
for everybody.

518
00:33:15,706 --> 00:33:18,786
Oh, I loved that!
-Yeah...

519
00:33:18,986 --> 00:33:21,880
And obviously there isn't a
single animal left on Owen's farm

520
00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:23,656
with the correct
number of legs.

521
00:33:23,856 --> 00:33:26,338
Though I have to say,

522
00:33:26,538 --> 00:33:29,651
it's surprising how agile
a one-legged pig can be.

523
00:33:30,877 --> 00:33:32,768
But despite that,
we won!

524
00:33:32,968 --> 00:33:34,353
Yeees!

525
00:33:34,553 --> 00:33:39,425
After it was over, I was so excited
I made love to a Swedish journalist.

526
00:33:40,644 --> 00:33:42,736
We know, Jim.
We were chained to you at the time.

527
00:33:45,637 --> 00:33:49,300
This is indeed
a great day for Dibley,

528
00:33:49,500 --> 00:33:51,041
and the right moment
to announce,

529
00:33:51,241 --> 00:33:54,502
we have decided to
have a millennium statue after all,

530
00:33:54,702 --> 00:33:57,882
and.., chosen our subject.
-Really?!..

531
00:33:58,082 --> 00:33:59,598
We haven't discussed it
with you Vicar,

532
00:33:59,798 --> 00:34:01,926
but we feel there's only
one person it can possibly be.

533
00:34:02,126 --> 00:34:04,472
In fact, everyone I asked
gave me the same answer,

534
00:34:04,672 --> 00:34:08,083
and that answer was,
- a statue of Geraldine.

535
00:34:10,163 --> 00:34:11,375
Well, I don't know what to say.

536
00:34:11,575 --> 00:34:12,956
We just hope,
you will Honour us

537
00:34:13,156 --> 00:34:15,185
with your presence
at the unveiling.

538
00:34:15,685 --> 00:34:20,298
I certainly will. Is it OK
if I bring Anna Gripta along?

539
00:34:20,498 --> 00:34:24,685
I should think so. She says
she's got a little surprise for me.

540
00:34:29,544 --> 00:34:31,533
I'm sure It'll only be a
couple of minutes.

541
00:34:43,915 --> 00:34:47,803
You look pretty as a picture,
young Alice. ...Thanks.

542
00:34:48,822 --> 00:34:52,163
A painter did once ask me
to pose for him. Really?!

543
00:34:52,363 --> 00:34:55,583
Mmm, with no clothes on.
-No?! ...Mmm.

544
00:34:55,783 --> 00:34:58,730
Did you do it?
Yes. It was quite exciting.

545
00:34:58,930 --> 00:35:01,463
He was painting our kitchen
at the time.

546
00:35:05,476 --> 00:35:07,230
I don't mind admitting
I'm feeling a bit nervous.

547
00:35:07,430 --> 00:35:10,094
This sort of thing doesn't happen
every day, does it?

548
00:35:10,294 --> 00:35:14,869
How do I look? ..Gorgeous?,...
Or Y-front-stretchingly gorgeous?

549
00:35:15,069 --> 00:35:20,626
Y-front-stretching till a little bit
of winky sticks out-ly gorgeous.

550
00:35:22,003 --> 00:35:23,080
How about me?

551
00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:28,322
You look like Michelle Pfeiffer
at her most beautiful.

552
00:35:30,370 --> 00:35:34,295
One little thing - do you mind me
saying? No. It's the lipstick.

553
00:35:34,495 --> 00:35:41,075
Too much or too little? Er, not good
as blusher. Do you mind if I...? No.

554
00:35:41,275 --> 00:35:42,927
There we are,
there. Thanks.

555
00:35:43,127 --> 00:35:47,093
There. Now you look babelicious.
..Awe...

556
00:35:48,706 --> 00:35:51,398
We make the perfect team, I reckon.
Yeah.

557
00:35:51,598 --> 00:35:54,907
Because while you provide
the beauty and the brains,

558
00:35:55,107 --> 00:35:58,538
I provide the...the, er...

559
00:35:58,738 --> 00:36:00,397
The rest.

560
00:36:00,597 --> 00:36:03,322
That's it!
The rest... Exactly.

561
00:36:04,022 --> 00:36:10,202
So come on, let's go, Alice Amazing.
After you, Vicar V...

562
00:36:10,402 --> 00:36:12,688
Velociraptor.

563
00:36:14,484 --> 00:36:17,000
And so it gives me
the greatest pleasure,

564
00:36:18,891 --> 00:36:21,637
now that our heroic Vicar
has joined us,

565
00:36:21,837 --> 00:36:26,059
to unveil
the Dibley Millennium Statue.

566
00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:30,562
We'll call it simply...
"Geraldine".

567
00:36:42,045 --> 00:36:44,969
It's you...
...Yes, it is.

568
00:36:49,269 --> 00:36:53,859
We didn't want to commemorate
the past, but look to the future.

569
00:36:57,700 --> 00:37:02,537
What do you think, Vicar?
I think it's perfect.

570
00:37:08,947 --> 00:37:11,070
Doesn't look anything like me.

571
00:37:43,006 --> 00:37:46,099
OK. Nice quick one, OK?
All right.

572
00:37:46,299 --> 00:37:48,736
What's brown and sticky?

573
00:37:48,936 --> 00:37:51,450
I don't know.
What's brown and sticky?

574
00:37:51,650 --> 00:37:52,878
A stick.

575
00:37:58,060 --> 00:38:00,103
No, sticks aren't sticky.

576
00:38:00,303 --> 00:38:04,363
Well, they are, because they're
sticks, so they are stick-y.

577
00:38:05,068 --> 00:38:08,536
But that's not what "sticky" means.
It means all sticky, you know?

578
00:38:08,736 --> 00:38:10,312
Some sticks ARE sticky,

579
00:38:10,512 --> 00:38:12,547
cos sap oozes out of them
and they get sticky.

580
00:38:12,747 --> 00:38:17,859
So if you say, "What is brown and
SOMETIMES sticky?" it might work.

581
00:38:18,059 --> 00:38:21,393
Yeah, but that sort of
takes the edge off it, doesn't it?

582
00:38:21,593 --> 00:38:24,338
To be honest.., some trees
aren't brown either, are they?

583
00:38:25,353 --> 00:38:28,467
You might as well get this right.
Otherwise, you'll never get a laugh.

584
00:38:29,857 --> 00:38:33,601
Either you could say,
"What is sometimes brown -

585
00:38:33,801 --> 00:38:36,924
and sometimes sticky?"
and that's a stick,

586
00:38:37,124 --> 00:38:38,346
or...,

587
00:38:38,546 --> 00:38:42,256
"What is sometimes brown
but also sometimes greeny grey",

588
00:38:42,456 --> 00:38:46,943
"sometimes whitish, and sometimes -
in those big American trees - red..."

589
00:38:47,143 --> 00:38:50,327
Yeah. You see?
So, "What's sometimes red,

590
00:38:50,527 --> 00:38:55,081
"sometimes greeny grey, sometimes
whitish and sometimes sticky?"

591
00:38:55,281 --> 00:38:57,001
Sorry about this, Alice.

592
00:38:58,830 --> 00:39:01,800
I don't care if I go to jail.
Somebody had to do it.

593
00:39:01,850 --> 00:39:06,400
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